Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
its liver damage thursday
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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