I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
