I think im going to throw up on grandma
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
