if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I wannas sexs uuuuu
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
