I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
