sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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