i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
