You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
