I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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