Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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