i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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