Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
