yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
How does it feel to date your dad?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
