She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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