Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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