i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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