i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm at about main and main street
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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