i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I wish life had little blips of pornography
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Randomize
