I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
