Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
