the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
