he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
