my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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