You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Help. Why am I so naked?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
