8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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