those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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