I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
