Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
