I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
