I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
