Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Randomize