My boss' voice literally gives me gas
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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