There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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