she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
there is puke in my bra ... again
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