Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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