I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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