im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
