You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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