yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
In America we eat man semen.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
