Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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