The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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