There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
