i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
