I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
