Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
