I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
