i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
