Don't you send me to vm
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize