you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
