Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
