She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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