2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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