Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize