And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
