ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
