I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
