Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
