So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
