What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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