You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
So many bounce houses so little time
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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