Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
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