Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
