I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
