I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
