I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
