i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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