the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
