My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize