I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Success! We fucked roommates!
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
