We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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