I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
