Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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