Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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