remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
