so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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