well I can't set my house on fire every night
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
