first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Come share oat with me in your robe
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
