Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
