i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
