my vag is so smooth its legendary
nutella sex= disaster
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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