Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
