Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
