Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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