I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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