three words: i give head
three words: not that well
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize