If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
