i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
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