you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize