The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
