he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Randomize