where am i from again
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
The feeling are messing with the penis
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
