Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
