Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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