I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize