I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
