You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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