Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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