need another drink. this is the easiest way
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
