he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
